As time goes on, my quirky take on feminism will be revealed, and it will become clear that I follow an edict that is beautifully stated in one of my favorite books, If Women Ran the World, Sh*t Would Get Done by Shelly Ranchanow: it isn't about "male-bashing" so much as "female-applauding." And today has been a "female-applauding" type of day.
Media has always been speculative about female relationships, and it bothers me to no end when women cannot be depicted simply as friends. They are either constantly stabbing each other in the back with a smile (The Women, anyone?) or some other underlying, sexual insinuation haunts their companionship. And unfortunately, this sentiment isn't completely false. There are plenty of girls out there that I would like to kick in the face with my Gianni Bini.
But there are so many more that I am truly friends with and cherish the bond that I have with them in a completely non-sexual way. Women understand each other; we know how you feel. Remember that time you ate 7 gallons of ice cream and didn't know which was worse: getting dumped by your boyfriend or hanging your head in the toilet while revisiting all the ice cream you just ingested? Yea, we've been there. Remember when you were in college, and you thought that making a statement was shaving a passage from Vagina Monologues in the back of your head? Yea, we've all made bad hair choices. Remember that time when you were feeling so lonely because no one in this world understood you? So do we, and we were just as happy as you were when our best friend came over and listened to all the venting we had to do while just nodding and telling us she understood.
Today, I had the blessing of realizing the value of my girl friends. During work, I was reminded of the bond my grandmother, Mary Rae, and I had while she was alive. She was, and still is, one of my greatest role models. I learned how to be a woman from her and my mother. They taught me some of the most valuable lessons I know. I was also asked by one of my co-worker's 13 year old daughter to help her find a style. While I was flattered, I also saw it as an opportunity to connect with another female and impart some worldly advice on her that only another woman could share (I told her that while looking fine and enhancing our personalities should be a priority, that none of it matters if we don't have the brains to pull off that much sass. Being intelligent will always be in style). And tonight, I had a 3 hour coffee rendezvous with one of my closest friends, M. M. is one of my favorite people because she is such a good listener and never tries to tell you what to do. She only tries to understand. She is also my music soul mate, but that is another blog for another day. Over coffee, we talked about everything- from books to boys, hiking to hang ups. And I can't tell you how many times the phrase "I know EXACTLY what you mean!" was excitedly punctuated with a fist slamming down on the wobbly, metal table crowded with lattes and purses.
The point is, I find power in numbers when it comes to feminism. The more women that I connect with, the more confident and powerful I feel as a woman. The women (old and young) that I encountered today not only made me aware of the importance of those kindred spirits, but it flat out made me proud to be a woman. And as I close this tonight, with my 11 year old sister asleep beside me, I look at this tiny woman-to-be and pray that she will be as fortunate as I have been in my platonic, female relationships to realize how wonderful and powerful it is to be a woman.
Media has always been speculative about female relationships, and it bothers me to no end when women cannot be depicted simply as friends. They are either constantly stabbing each other in the back with a smile (The Women, anyone?) or some other underlying, sexual insinuation haunts their companionship. And unfortunately, this sentiment isn't completely false. There are plenty of girls out there that I would like to kick in the face with my Gianni Bini.
Today, I had the blessing of realizing the value of my girl friends. During work, I was reminded of the bond my grandmother, Mary Rae, and I had while she was alive. She was, and still is, one of my greatest role models. I learned how to be a woman from her and my mother. They taught me some of the most valuable lessons I know. I was also asked by one of my co-worker's 13 year old daughter to help her find a style. While I was flattered, I also saw it as an opportunity to connect with another female and impart some worldly advice on her that only another woman could share (I told her that while looking fine and enhancing our personalities should be a priority, that none of it matters if we don't have the brains to pull off that much sass. Being intelligent will always be in style). And tonight, I had a 3 hour coffee rendezvous with one of my closest friends, M. M. is one of my favorite people because she is such a good listener and never tries to tell you what to do. She only tries to understand. She is also my music soul mate, but that is another blog for another day. Over coffee, we talked about everything- from books to boys, hiking to hang ups. And I can't tell you how many times the phrase "I know EXACTLY what you mean!" was excitedly punctuated with a fist slamming down on the wobbly, metal table crowded with lattes and purses.
The point is, I find power in numbers when it comes to feminism. The more women that I connect with, the more confident and powerful I feel as a woman. The women (old and young) that I encountered today not only made me aware of the importance of those kindred spirits, but it flat out made me proud to be a woman. And as I close this tonight, with my 11 year old sister asleep beside me, I look at this tiny woman-to-be and pray that she will be as fortunate as I have been in my platonic, female relationships to realize how wonderful and powerful it is to be a woman.
like a breath of fresh air. maybe ive been thinking of feminists in a bad light after all? (i have only come across hardcore ones) you sound completely on track with my own thoughts and i never would have thought so if you had told me you where feminist. indeed, there is nothing like an understanding female companion. women "get" women.
ReplyDeletepowerful and inspirational blog.
It's so great to hear that you enjoyed this post. There is this wonderful little book that I just read called "Commencement," and it was interesting because it dealt with how 4 girlfriends dealt with feminism in different ways. Theback says that it's a "beach book for smart women," so if that doesn't make you want to read it, I don't know what will.
ReplyDeleteAnd there are a lot of militant feminists out there; to each her own, I guess. I just feel that as women, it is counterproductive if everyone is telling the others how they should live instead of just enjoying eachother's company and taking one woman's experiences that may different from your own and gleaning what you will from it.